


Is the door push or pull?

by Grilled_Koi



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Akechi Goro Lives, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Fix-It, Horny Teenagers, M/M, Swearing, in this house we take advantage of monologues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:41:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24014602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grilled_Koi/pseuds/Grilled_Koi
Summary: Hur dur dur dur durFake Akechi is monologuing so why the fuck wouldn't Akira take advantage of it???!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?! As in gUESS WHO'S GETTING THEIR ASS SAVED?!
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 8
Kudos: 85





	Is the door push or pull?

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know if this is funny? like i write serious shit too much and I'm like incapable of crack??? i think???????

They had just beaten Akechi, now he knelt on the ground, spilling everything he had. His past, his lies, his truth,  _ everything _ .

Akira’s heart could only take so much, his tears barely holding themselves back. 

Right when Akira wanted to extend his hand to the fallen Prince Detective, another Akechi appeared. He was more prim and proper, his peacoat uniform instead of his metaverse outfit. His eyes’ dead, devoid of life. Shadows and black mist lapped at his feet, the sole indicator of what he truly was. 

“That’s...Shido’s cognitive version of Akechi!” Morgana yelped, answering everyone’s confusion.

A small chuckle left the fake version of Akechi, soon digging around his pocket before pulling out a pistol. 

The small click of the safety trigger made everyone tense. Akira clicking his tongue, clearly understanding what was happening.

“...I’ll deal with the rest of you later.” said the cognitive version, voice cold and sharp. 

_ “Bitch.  _ **_Bitch. BITCH! AH HELL NAW! I AIN’T PLAYING NICE ANYMORE!_ ** _ ” _

“Hey, guys, you hear me?” Akira coarsely whispered, thankful for the little earpieces they got right before Sae’s palace, but his anger skyrocketed. Yeah, sure his boyfriend tried to kill him, but that doesn’t mean his swooning and VERY gay heart would allow him to die!

As the fake Akechi’s eyes trained on the kneeling one, taking some time to monologue,  _ “Why do villains do this…well, sucks to be so egotistical.” _ Everyone confirmed, either saying okay or doing a small nod if Akira could see them

Hearing confirmation from his piece, he continued, “Alright, good, since villain’s love monologuing and this fake ass pretending to be ugh MY boyfriend is clearly a villain. Gives us plenty of time-”

“Captain Shido’s orders….he has no use for losers.”

“-which means prime time to fuck him over, as much as I would love to have a clone of my very lovely boyfriend. Can’t take it if it’s Shido’s version of him. Ready your guns and Noir cast Tetrakarn on everyone just in case anything goes to hell. I’ll grab my very beautiful boyfriend on the count of 1 and you guys blast that fucker. We gonna fuck shit up and piss off Shido. Why? Because we  _ can _ and  _ have _ to cause Akechi’s my wonderful boyfriend and I refuse to let my boyfriend die.” Small snickers carried through the comms, drawing a bit of the fake Akechi’s attention.

“Any more of your prattling and your precious Akechi will be dead.” the fake sneered, turning back his attention to the real one, “Well…this just moves the plan up a little. He was going to get rid of you after the election anyway.”

“Oop, let’s not try to catch that fake’s attention guys~” A computer voice spoke, probably some text to speech thing Futaba whipped up. 

Akira couldn’t help but grit his teeth,  _ “I really don’t like seeing a fake version of Goro...” _ His fists clenched, his vibrantly saturated red gloves the only thing preventing his nails from digging in too deep. 

“What?!” Akechi coughed out.

_ “Oh, I’m so making Shido suffer!” _

“This is so effing messed up…” Ryuji hissed out, his anger and hate redirected from Akechi to Shido as he barely kept his voice to a whisper.

“Okay...3-”

“Did you truly believe you’d be spared after all the murders you undertook?” the patronizing stare and his sharp voice grated on Akira’s ears. His rage flared, if his eyes could burn anything, then the damned fake version of Akechi would be smoke already. 

“You know what!? Fuck it-” his rage could barely be tempered, 

_ “He undertook? What fucking garbage, he was forced to by that sick fuck at age 14 god DAMNIT!” _

“-and FUCK YOU!”

Immediately, Akira dived toward Akechi, flashing off his middle finger.

The fake whipped his head at Akira, his gun aimed at him only to have a rain of bullets come down like the blessed rains in Africa. 

Yusuke was the first to fire the shot, his eyes, and gun trained on the fake, “We will not let you kill our leader!” 

“You! Do you want to die so badly, then so be it!” the fake version roared, anger as he tried shooting. Only for all the bullets to fire back. Big oof.

“Suck it! Your bullets ain’t got shit on us!!” Ryuji exclaimed, his laughter boisterously loud. 

As Haru blasted grenade after grenade, her eyes glowed with an eerie yellow with her picture-perfect smile, “M’lady’s Tetrakarn will prove your feeble attempt naught!”

“Take it as a ‘No, you.’ We don’t get time for scrubs like you!” Futaba crackled, already in Necronomicon, floating above and avoiding any bullets with ease. 

“You...will pay…!” The fake’s eyes were crazed, his form exploding to that of a grotesque monster.

“Oh, fuuuUUUUCK! Goro honey, we gotta get oUT!” 

“For fuck's sake, then MOVE FASTER JOKER!!”

Akira quickly wrapped his arms around Akechi, he barely stood up before back peddling faster than he could every back peddle. He whipped out a gun, right as he passed the shutters on the ground and shot the button. 

Shutter doors quickly rise up from the ground and lower from above, dividing the monstrosity from Akechi and the Phantom Thieves. 

Akira flopped himself on the ground, with Akechi on top of him, “Holy-”

“SHIT-” Ryuji continued, already running up to the duo.

“Exclamation mark!” Futaba finished with a small snicker.

Everyone quickly walked over, checking if Akira was alright.

“Thank god we don’t need to deal with  _ that  _ thing, whatever it is, yuck,” Ann commented, her face having turned sour. 

“You really had no better plan?” Makoto facepalmed, being the only brain cell of the Phantom Thieves, all she could do was groan. 

“Honestly, wouldn’t be surprised if Joker’s simping ends the world. He loves his boyfriend  _ that _ much.” Futaba quipped, still hovering above everyone in her Persona.

As Akechi sat atop Akira in a very VERY questionable position, he couldn’t help but double down on top of the Phantom Thief.

“You! You fucking, ugh...for your information I don’t need saving from  _ you _ of all people.”

“Ha...still love you, honey.” Akira drawled, only just coming down from his adrenaline high. 

Akechi’s head landed on Akira’s chest, he could barely hold back the tears and everything, he was just too tired.

“I hate you so much.”

“And I love you very much, honey.”

“Ewwwwww, save the makeout when you guys are alone in the attic. I won’t record it cuz y’know ew. Thank god I only bugged the first floor...” Futaba groaned, already leaving as Akira gasped. 

Makoto’s hand on her hip and her very much team mom glare landed on the duo on the floor, “C’mon, let’s heal up in a Safe Room, it’d be dangerous if we stayed here seeing as  _ that- _ ” a finger at the shutters, “happened. And...I’m pretty sure we gotta give Crow some time to explain before you guys make out.”

“Gasp! Queen, you too!? I’m not  _ that _ horny!” 

“Says the one who basically thirsted for Akechi in the group chat. God, I still don't know where the eff you find pictures of your boyfriend.…” Ryuji added, he too was already walking away.

As the others snickered and walked away, Akechi was left alone with Akira. Red gloves touched the other's cheek, the bruises squeezing at Akira’s heart.

“I’m...sorry if we um, hit too hard…” Akira said, his eyes lingering at his other wounds.

Akechi scoffed, a few tears had already rolled down, “Save your pity for someone else. And my god, you are so fucking spineless. Sometimes I question if you really are the leader of the Phantom Thieves with all of your frolicking. ”

“What do you mean, honeeeeeey?!”

“C’mon I’m sure your friends wouldn’t enjoy me straddling you when I murdered you, nor would I enjoy you making out with you where I was about to  _ die. _ ” Akechi got up, his cracked visor making it easier for Akira to drool at Akechi’s glare.

“You’re like us, and after this, you should definitely turn yourself in…like yeah, it’s gonna suck not seeing your pretty face, but let’s face it. That beats you being dead by a longshot. And I’ve let you kill me once, please honey give me a break...so...please, let’s call this quits? And no, I’m not letting you leave the attic. You’re on mini probation for now.” 

Akechi extended his hands out, helping Akira up before scoffing, “You sure? Aren’t you on probation though?”

“Pweaaaaaaaase?” Akira’s puppy eyes had a profound effect on Akechi and the word please could only make his will fold in. An exhausted sigh left his lip, a bit bloodied, and a nod. 

“Fine, just don’t say that ever again. That’s fucking cursed and your hugging privileges  _ will _ be revoked if your filthy mouth decides to say that again.”

**Author's Note:**

> rate the crack cocaine and give me admice please arigatō gozaimashita


End file.
